I Am So Modest
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Lately, everyone has been telling me that I'm some sort of "Internet Celebrity," and that I'm the next big thing and that my book deal will come rolling in any minute. Honestly, I don't know what they're talking about. I'm a normal guy, just like you! Millions of hits a day does not a celebrity make!
The emails I receive on a daily basis which beg me for sex do not make me better than you. Just because I've won the hearts and minds of women (and men!) everywhere does not mean I can get away with anything. For example, just this afternoon, I was caught having sex with one of my groupies by another one of my groupies who I had, just hours before, had sex with, and was severely punished. The sex the three of us had shortly thereafter cannot be considered evidence that I am above average, or that I should be considered "better" than the rest of you. I too put on my extremely expensive, designer pants one foot at a time!
Even though everyone feels the need to thrust upon me the shackles of fame, I must remind you that I'm one of the little people (just like you!) Of course, once in a while, your constant adoration causes me to become enthralled with myself, and so I've taken it upon myself to institute a rigorous program of de-ego-tization. When I feel that I've become "too big for my britches," I immediately go out into the street and wander around until someone recognizes me. I then make sweet sweet love to them, even if they aren't as attractive as I am. In this way, I remind myself of my true place in this world.
Occasionally, there is an outcry over the percieved elitism amongst my friends and I. For some reason, there is a perception that "the it kids" of this "community" get together and bash on you for your lesser skillz, and that we are in some way keeping you out of the limelight. This could not be further from the truth! When we get together, all we do is have sex and do drugs. Nobody ever even mentions you!
We're all playing the same game! You've got a happy little website, I've got an incredibly popular network of sites! You've got a stalker, I've got a bizarre cult following in the mainstream media industry! You're just like me! I'm just like you! So what if I get quoted in the New Yorker and you get quoted on some crappy website? My name is always being tossed about, and lemme tell you, it's just embarassing. What I wouldn't give for a single day when I didn't have to do an interview or go to a photoshoot. I'm just an average guy trying to do his thing. Just like you!
I'm sure I'll get a few hundred emails about this from people who admire me for my modesty, but don't worry, it won't go to my head. I am dedicated to keepin' it real.
Ben Brown is just this guy, ya know