Introducing: Maria
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Hi, I'm Maria.
I am your favorite internet rock star.
That's not a subliminal message. It's a fact.
Star though I am, you and I still have loads in common.
We eat, we sleep, we enjoy classes in neuroscience, and most importantly, we 're really tired of reading Uber.nu.
We feel we have suffered long enough. And it's high time there was some new crap to set our homepages to.
And so, here it is adoring fans, a little something for all the love and support you've given me over the years.
I present you with:
Better Than - a new and improved webzine guaranteed to be better than Uber. Sometimes.
Pretty good so far, huh! But how to pick a topic for the first article...
First I flirted with the idea of doing a piece on how doctors should really use the tissue from aborted babies to help save the lives of people with Parkinson's disease. They could use Chinese babies because babies get killed all the time over there, and it's a shame that all their fresh, healthy baby tissue goes to waste. I reconsidered. Thought it might be a bit heavy.
So I thought maybe I could submit a little personal reflection on what it's like to be an internet rock star. But I'm not Ben Brown. And this isn't Uber.
Or maybe a charticle would do... Something like:
| Maria | Your Favorite Internet Rock Star |
| Sex | Classic "yes please" joke |
| Eyes | Brown |
| Hair | Short |
| Height | Also Short |
| Style | Super |
| Hobby | Food |
| Presents | Good |
| TV | Powerpuff Girls |
| Dreams/Goals | To be better than Uber |
But charts are such a cop out. Honestly, they just take up a lot of space on the page.
My other plan was to say "To hell with introductions!" And just cut to the chase with a really fabulously witty article. Then my computer froze.
So I had just about given up on the whole thing until I figured, shit, if our readers are used to Uber standards, I guess this is good enough.
Maria DeLuca is taking over.