Post Election Coverage
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Election this, election that, Gore, Bush, Florida, electoral college, voter fraud.
Here at Über, we just don't care.
Well, that's not true, the rest of the staff may care, but they're not writing today.
And since the entire staff has abandoned me, I am left with the task of putting something entertaining on this page for the next two days all by myself. Even though I am currently taking midterms.
I know, out there in the Über reading audience, you just don't care.
But bear with me as I begin to discuss what I consider to be one of the most important things facing my generation: Sega's Jet Grind Radio.
Oh sure, you may be thinking, Adam is just going to babble on about the video game he played all night instead of writing an actual funny, witty Über article.
And you would be completely right.
Everyone loves Jet Grind Radio. It's being called the "most original, distinct, enjoyable title you will play this year." And they're right.
In Jet Grind Radio you skate around cities, performing amazing tricks and stunts, and tagging everything in site. Tagging, for you old people who can't punch ballots correctly, is an art done with aerosol based paints outdoors in a freeform setting on architectural exteriors. It is a complex and beautiful thing.
Meanwhile, as you are committing these senseless acts of vandalism and spraypainting your ugly little designs all over the city, keystone-like cops chase after you shouting and waving their billy clubs.
This is quite comical, as such antics often are.
There are also rival "gangs" to deal with. They too are on super-hyper rollerblades and tagging the city.
Do not let them tag on your turf. If you skate really fast into them, you can knock them over, and say things like, "Yeah, bitch, that's what I thought. Don't tag on my turf."
My favorite part though, is when the police chief comes after you.
The police chief is unlike the rest of the police officers in that he is fatter, is balding, wears an ugly sports coat, and has a gun. He runs around screaming things like "steady!" and "got you!" as he attempts to shoot you in the back of the head... for committing acts of vandalism.
In the second level of the game, there is a playground, with working, fully functional swings, slides, and children frolicking.
Also, an angry police chief waiting for you. Who begins shooting at you. On site. In the park. Surrounded by happy little children.
This game is really fucked up.
Also, more fun than you will ever have on your Playstation 2, loser.
Based on midterm results, Adam Mathes should never be allowed to design microprocessors.