I Will Make You My Grammar Bitch
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Do you have a tendency to replace words such as "you" and "are" with ridiculous abbreviations like "U" and "R," respectively? "IC" for the phrase "I see?" Are you unable to put a full line of space between paragraphs? Do you find it impossible to hold down the shift key and capitalize at the start of a sentence or proper pronoun*? Then bend over, as I'm going to make you my grammar bitch.
I appreciate random IMs, and go mad over first-time emails. But nothing sets me in more of a piss-poor mood, and negatively colors my opinion of you, than coming across this:
i totally love ur site and think u r the koolest and my favrite thing is that i love hanson too. do u know what i mean? ic that you are totally busy and i don't want to bug you but whats ur fave book?
The oft-used excuse for this butchering of the English language, that it's a matter of expediency, seems pretty asinine to me. The word replacement trend (i c u r stupid)? That's just patently obnoxious, no matter how much of a shortcut it is. As for the improper spacing and capitalization? These aren't arbitrary rules some fascist English teacher conned up. They help make large amounts of text more easy to read, breaking up an otherwise endless stream of lowercase words.
I don't know. Sometimes I think I'm a horrible person for rushing to judgement when I encounter text that looks like it was written on a keyboard without a shift or enter key, and by an author who finds the word "your" to be a bit too complex to spell out.
What's my favorite book? Strunk and White's "The Elements of Style."
*Some leeway on this rule can be made for certain people, such as the staff of crush.nu. *Swoon!*
Andy Pressman can be assaulted by your atrocious use of internet abbreviations at andy@newdream.net, or as Kid Roboto on AIM.
Andy Pressman can be assaulted by your atrocious use of internet abbreviations at andy@newdream.net, or as Kid Roboto on AIM.