New Zealand Travel Guide: Bogans
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by Ani Moller | originally published on 2001-01-16

In the fine country of New Zealand (where I live), we have a certain group of people that are called "bogans". You may or may not know what they are, and if you are American, I'm assuming you don't.

First and foremost, don't confused bogans with Maoris. The Maori culture is beautiful and charming, and the bogan culture is filled with nothinb but strange smells. Think Metallica. Think tight, black, tapered-legged jeans. Think cleaning your Holden Sunbird or Ford Escort panel van with an old, ripped and stained Motorhead t-shirt you found in the backseat or trunk. Think crocheted white sweaters. Think perms. Think "Sheila". Think drinking beer straight out of the keg in your best friend Wayne's backyard, while Dylan and Stan encourage you to drink fast by yelling, "SKULL! SKULL!". Think small towns with farms nearby. Think Megadeath. Think mullet.

Are you a bogan? If under the age of 16, bogans have a ratstail haircut to accompany the clothing, along with a name and favorite band picked from the following list. Older bogans have either the mullet or cleanly shaved skull.

Common male bogan names:
Wayne, Ken, Dylan, Ax (a nickname stolen from a perennial favourite, Axl Rose), Trev, Kev, Jake, Jono, Marc, Gazza, Brett, Stan, Glen, Barry.

Common female bogan names:
Trish, Tash, Sheila, Cheryl, Barbs, Donna, Tiffany, Vanessa often shortened to Nessa, Gemma, Mel, Val, Cat and all her male friends will jokingly call her Pussy but of course she'll love it, Sharon or Shazza hence why quite often females bogans are called "Shazzas".

Music for the "hardcore" bogan:
Metallica, Slayer, Pantera, Megadeath, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, AC/DC, Guns N Roses, Motley Crue, Skid Row, Poison, Kiss, Van Halen, White Snake.

Music for the older Generation, not-so-heavy bogan:
Mr Big, Steppen Wolf, Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin, The Doors, Jethro Tull, Extreme, Bon Jovi.

Male bogan clothing:

  • Tight, tapered, black, orange-tab Levis.
  • White wife-beater singlet for the older generation of bogan.
  • Black t-shirt of any of the aforementioned musical groups.
  • Black woollen jersey (sweater).
  • Black 8 or 10-up Doc boots.

    Female bogan clothing:

  • Tight, tapered, black, orange-tab Levis.
  • Tie-dyed white and purple t-shirt.
  • White crocheted jersey.
  • Black 8 or 10-up Doc boots.
  • For a special occasion, tie-dyed, lacey, dress, often accompanied by a leather waistcoat.

    Bogan jargon:
    BOGANNON-BOGAN
    Fucking aye! That's really great!
    Fucking oath! See above.
    Mate! My dear friend!
    Stink bro! That's not very nice.
    Get a crate of Tui and jump in the Kingswood! Get that box of cheap beer and get in my big, grunty but not very expensive car.

    If you would like to experience this dazzling culture, get a plane ticket to New Zealand, move to West Auckland or Hawkes Bay, find yourself a Cheryl or a Kev and invest in a lifetime's worth of DB Draught. Act now before they're all snatched up!

    Ani Moller is comin' straight out of Wellington.