Trend Watch: Punctuation Tattoos
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Everybody is looking for the next big thing. Well, ladies and gentlemen, look no further! I've got the next big thing right here. You might ask "just how big is it?" Well, it's huge. And we're talking Macarena huge. The next big thing is ... drum roll please ... punctuation mark tattoos.
Soon, everyone you know is going to have a punctuation tattoo. I know what your thinking. You're thinking "oh my god, oh my god, I want one. But what punctuation mark should I get?"
Have no fear. Here is a little guide to the newest and hippest thing out:
Punctuation Tattoos 101
- PERIOD -- The period is the mark of the conservative. Commonly found etched into the arms and calves of businessmen and clergymen, the period is probably what the youth of America will label as "lame." But then again, everything that I used to think was lame is coming back into style. Whether you idolize Jesus or the Rolling Stones, or you just want to make an early investment in trendiness, the period tattoo is for you.
- EXCLAMATION POINT -- The exclamation point is for those of you out to make a statement! If you are loud, obnoxious, or overbearing, this tattoo is for you! It's very Gen X! Or Y! If you really want to make a statement, I would suggest getting an exclamation point tattooed on your penis!
- SEMICOLON -- If by now you are thinking to yourself that this stupid, and you are too good to continue reading, and if you hate the world, then the semicolon is the perfect tattoo for you. Nothing says "damn the man" or "fuck the world" quite like a semicolon.
- QUESTION MARK -- The question mark? How mysterious! This particular punctuation mark is more often the choice of females than males. Unless you think you are the Riddler, I would advise men to stay away from this particular tattoo. However, girls who change their hair color more than once a month are will enjoy the question mark. The abdominal region seems to be the most popular area to get this tattooed on. Often you will see this tattoo juxtaposed with an exclamation point, as if to say, "Aren't I mysterious!?"
- COLON -- People of high ranking positions and people with huge egos, e.g. athletes, get tattoos of a colon. There's just something about a punctuation mark that share its name with a tube connected to your asshole that suits them.
- COMMA -- This is my personal choice. The comma is the symbol of the slacker. If you are a slacker or a loser, if you wear skate shoes, if you can't get a girl to talk to you, this is the way to go. Having a huge comma tattooed on your arm completely offsets the fact that you don't have any muscles. There will be no more Friday nights spent sitting at your computer. With a comma tattoo you will instantly become a veritable chick magnet! It's true, chicks dig the comma.
The question isn't If. The question is When. Whether you are ready for it or not, punctuation mark tattoos are the wave of the future. Get yours today or get yours tomorrow -- but it's always better to be an OG than to be the last kid on your block to get one.
Aaron Falk has an exclamation too. You know where.