Smoking and squash
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by Dakota Smith | originally published on 2001-02-20

I was out on my smoke break when a large car pulled up next to me.

"Butternut Squash?"

Not very many people call me butternut squash. At least, not since high school.

"What?" I said.

"Would you like some butternut squash?"

I remembered hearing about this on the news. There is this scam currently in Austin where men drive around in cars, selling butternut squash out of their trunk. But, I couldn't remember what the scam part of it was.

"Well, I don't know. I mean, I have a lot of produce at home."

This was not far from the truth. I had butternut squash at home. I had yellow squash, too. And apples and oranges.

"Listen, I'm trying to move this trunk of squash. You seem like a nice enough guy. Do you want some?"

So, I took some squash and that night made soup. Then there was a knock at the door.

I looked through the peephole and saw the same man who sold me the squash. He must have put a tracking device in them!

I grabbed a large stick, and began to beat him over the head. Repeatedly I struck him, and with his final breath he asked, "I just wanted to know if you liked the squash."

I guess I shouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions.

Dakota Smith didn't want to be left in charge.