Filler Friday: Corporate Whore
↑ that's a permalink! visit the full archive
Even though there was not a single actual article written by any of the staff members this week, I am going to buck that trend and give you, the loyal Filler Friday reader, a real, live, actual piece. Or a reasonable facsimile thereof, I mean, really, it's filler, don't get your hopes up.
As of now, I'm not going to the SXSW Interactive Conference, mecca for anyone who is anyone on the web. Although I am a world famous web literary figure and acknowledged technological luminary, Über's lack of financial backing means that I have no corporate teat to milk for free airfare for "very important conferences."
My current high powered corporate day job (student at overpriced college) apparently also does not have an expense account for such endeavors either.
So, I am seeking corporate sponsorship.
It's simple, really.
You (and by you I mean a very large, powerful, successful multinational conglomerate) pay for my trip to and from Austin, hotel, car rental, six dozen Ken's donuts, and a large range of undisclosed "entertainment" expenses.
In return, you (and by you I once again mean a huge, dominating, monopolistic, multi-billion dollar revenue, worldwide company of epic proportions) get a unique advertising venue with limitless potential.
Remember, I am what is commonly referred to as an internet rockstar. I will be at all the right parties, talking to all the right people - perfectly positioned to work on brand exposure and viral marketing amongst the digerati.
You'll get ad space all over my body - if it has a logo on it, and you give it to me, I'll wear it. Your brand will be intimately associated with the highly successful and recognized adammathes brand in a way few products are - direct contact with my skin.
I will also guarantee you a-list exposure. You read correctly. You want an in to the cabal? As me and my internet controlling buddies discuss how much we hate so and so's little site over double iced mochas at Bouldin Creek, you, my corporate benefactor, will also be a top conversation topic, and I will make sure they love you. And once they love you, the rest of the Internet, like the mindless automatons they are, will follow.
You'll also get traffic from stupid weblogs because those damned webloggers will undoubtedly post about it all. These same webloggers incessantly document the most mundane aspects of events like SXSW and will have numerous photo retrospectives - photos which will have my lovely face and your logo.
You'll also get positive press on Über, and at no extra charge, a Metafilter thread.
Intrigued? Don't let this unique advertising opportunity pass you by. You know how to contact me. But act now - time is of the essence and quantities are limited.
Adam Mathes loves your corporate money.