Georgie Porgie, Pudding Pie
↑ that's a permalink! visit the full archive
It really isn't my job, you know? Take, for example, my trip to the dentist last week. I've never heard such obnoxious bullshit. Every time they laugh at my speeches my teeth grind, and so I had to have a dentist check it out. And, dammit, first thing that comes out of his mouth is "You know this HMO stuff is really cutting in to my customer base." I was, like, "Really! What the frag am I supposed to do about it?" Doctors think they're so smarty-pantsity with their fancy Degreegles from Ivy Leeg Collages. Assholes.
And this arsenickle in the water bullshit? Don't get me start-i-mi-fied. The Stenate and the Home of Depresentatives have really got me in a twist. What are they worried about? We're rich aren't we? Let's just drink bottlized water and not worry about it.
Listen Mr. Cheeny. You've been really helpful so far. And I know that you want me to "take political action" and stuff but that's not why I'm here. I'm here because the American people need me, not because of anything that has to do with the "law" or "civil kites". Besides, I can't go out in public anymore. The press is trying to use subliminimable messages on me, and I can't let them. I've stopped reading my mail, the bills I sign into law, or even my favorite works of literature 'cause I'm all afraid of what the Evil Left Wing might sneak onto the pages. And, ya know, the day hasn't been the same without a little wisdom and solace from that cute little dog, Spot. I can't trust them like I trust you.
I can't wait for you to get better, Mr. Cheeny. Then we can play all those games, like where we put on suits and talk like daddy and mommy did when THEY were Perspirant and Anti - Perspirant. That funny little bald guy, Mr. Greensbeans won't play with me until you come back. Then we can play the psychotology game where you hold the watch in front of my eyes and say those silly things like "Tax Cut" and "Social Security" and "Investment." You sure are funny Mr. Cheeny, and you wouldn't use subliminimable messages on me like Ally McGore would.
I don't know what "emergency hexatuple bypass trans - surgery" is, but when you get all better we can eat Bacon Cheeseburgers and run around the house till we get dizzy, just like we used to. Oh! Oh! And can I sign your cast?
Get Wel Sooon. Georgie.
Sorry Erik, you're no Han Solo