A Bankruptcy article filled with famous quotes and people
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by Robert Sneed | originally published on 2004-05-13

What should we do with every one that files Bankruptcy? Should there be a way to identify them permanently. Should we require them to wear a special hat that designates them as untrustworthy? What are the ramifications of the action? Do they screw us all up or just themselves? The only form of government that even has Bankruptcy is, of course, the great Democracy.

Webster’s: “Democracy is the worship of jackals by jackasses.” -H.L. Mencken. This is why Soviet citizens don’t have the option of going to Bankruptcy court, they get shot instead! Basically every other form of government just makes sure you never own or accumulate enough shit to hide or protect, so Bankruptcy fees are called “food money” in most of those countries. “American Greed, try and stop us.”

In layman’s terms – We let you do what you want, then when you mis-micro-manage the hell out of some company or yourself then pull the RIP cord. Can’t pay.

Other options to choose from-

A. Legal name change- This option is good when you plan to move to a rural town were they extend credit on a handshake and drive tractors to church. A chapter 7 followed quickly by a name change could get you a lotta cattle from some trusting Texas rancher.

B. Identity Assumption- This is a good one! It allows you to really start over by assuming the identity of a dead man or woman and the best part is that Bankruptcy is now the least of your problems so you don’t even have to hassle with chapter type, just don’t get caught by Interpol!

C. Plastic Surgery- for a cool $20-30,000 you could get a plastic surgery make over then abruptly file for a Chapter 13 Bankruptcy. Simply go back to your ex-plastic surgeon and explain that you bought property to hide assets. If he’s an understanding (and patient) individual he’ll should be okay with the $1500 you put down and receiving the balance in 5 years. Once you have all this taken care of then the hard part is over. Now all you have to do is get through the rest of your life on your looks! Because your credit is fucked and you don’t have enough self-control or discipline to pay your bills, which is the reason you look like a stressed out Ricardo Montalban in the first place!

At any rate the reason for filing should always be a good one. Remember “Democracy is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.” H.L. Mencken filed for Chapter 13!

Love vs. Bankruptcy “The Comparison”

“Love is two minutes, 52 seconds of squishing noises”- Johnny Rotten

Let’s start... compare the first time you were in love with your first paycheck. Both were inadequate, you probably didn’t know jack about either and probably lost them both to something of way less value.

So if love is what Johnny Rotten says it is, then bankruptcy must be three minutes, 41 seconds of constant grinding with sparks flying in every direction. After the grinding stops however, the shine is back!

Make sense of that! I almost dare you to. Bankruptcy from historical standpoint

From a historic standpoint let’s look at how things would be different had some of our more famous political figures and heroes filed for Bankruptcy:

1. Napoleon Bonaparte- Filed Chapter 7 just before the battle of Waterloo. He wouldn’t have been able to attend since most of his weapons and horses would have been turned over to his creditors at the “Schedule 341 meeting”. He could have followed his father’s footsteps (literally) and become a boot maker!

2. Vincent van Gogh- Filed Chapter 13 two days after he cut his Ear off. His claim was rejected as fraudulent. He became pissed as well as determined to prove he could perform his main occupation “Listening for ships to come to port”. He painted because he had time to kill in between ships docking.

3. Adolph Hitler- Had he filed Chapter 7 right after he was kicked out of Art School in Vienna. We would have a different view of the 1940’s today. Maybe he would have studied to be a musician. He probably would have made a better Clarinet player than Dictator anyway; we all know he sucked at that! Your High School music instructor would ask you to play 2 Hitlers in C-minor. “Mein Kampf” would only be a chorus in a clarinet laden German Beer Hall song and the French would now be the baddest MF’s on the planet!

4. Jesus H. Christ (JC) - Had he been interested in saving his own ass rather than in saving the world… he would have been out of town during the time his friend Judas was running around trying to kiss him. He would have been in Greece (where the Holy Roman Empire kept all the legal documents back then) filing for a Chapter 13 Bankruptcy on one of those failed business ventures he went into with either Peter or Paul. The New Testament would be a much different piece of reading! He could have re-organized under Ch.13 and become an Old Testament business Mogul. The when people would say “that guy is like Jesus Christ” it would mean someone is doing “kickass” business

5. There’s a story about Henry Ford in his younger days. He was on the side of the road one hot summer day with one of his early T-Models. He was under the hood trying to find out why it had stalled. From a passing carriage it was alleged that someone yelled out: “Get a Horse!” Thank goodness he didn’t get fed up and file a Chapter 7 and just, “get a horse.” Had that happened, society would just now be on brink of discovering the 8-track tape! Or worse, he could have re-organized under Ch.13 and mass-produced bicycle tires! Then everyone would have huge thigh leg muscles from riding 30 and 40 miles a pop. Cool huh?

The good news is, history can’t repeat itself or the chances of these examples coming true would be at risk of actually happening. The world seems pretty mellow the way it is now.

Robert Sneed dares you to declare bankruptcy.