Combo Cards
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I had a thought as I was leaving McDonald's with the $10 gift certificate I had bought for my buddy Jason N.W. for his wedding. I was thinking, "damn, I just dropped a 10 spot and now I have to get him a wedding card and a Birthday card. This is getting way too costly."
Then, my keen MBA mind asked the question, why not combo cards? Yeah, if someone had a combination birthday/wedding card then I could just buy the one card! Shit! This is the goldmine I've been looking for. I could start with the most basic combo cards to meet the needs of the people. In my first production run, I would print these cards.
Anniversary/Valentine's Day cards. Everyone knows at least one couple that got married on Valentine's Day so I think this would be a good seller. Guys can just buy the one card to kill two birds with one stone!
Armed Forces/Mother's Day. These are right next to each other in May so just combine them. I see a mother wearing army boots in the front of the card. Also, these two celebrations should go together since the term "Mother" is used very often in the Armed Forces, as an expletive, noun, adjective, and as an expression, "Mother of all battles" for example. Nothing says Armed Forces/Mother's Day like a nice card and coconut pie.
Birthday/Wedding Day. There's got to be a ton of people who were in my boat. If you have a buddy that is celebrating both, BAM! Here you go for a buck fifty.
Christmas/Chanukah/Chaka Khan/Kwanzaa/Nada Card. Don't know what the heck kind of religious beliefs your coworkers have? Not liking those "Happy Holiday" i.e. "Have a nice boring season, just don't get offended if this isn't politically correct" cards that are lame and don't say anything? Forget the selection process; just send this one out to everyone. These will read "Merry Christmas or Happy Chanukah or Happy Chaka Khan for the idiots who can't spell Chanukah or Happy Kwanzaa, or Nada, if you don't celebrate anything. And Happy New Year, except for you Chinese people who celebrate it much later."
Then, in my second production run, I would these slightly less popular but still very profitable cards.
Groundhog Day/National Ugly People Awareness Week. This is the perfect card for the people you know who wake up ugly everyday. Combining National Ugly People Day with Groundhog Day makes perfect sense to remind them that nothing will ever change to make their lives stop sucking. The card will read, "Your daddy looks like Freddy Your mama looks like Chewbacca. That's why you so ugly, damn! And nasty like Shaq's toe jam."
Daylight-Savings Time/National Death Row week. Another one that makes total sense to combine since they happen in the same week. Those beautiful Daylight-Savings Time cards can be combined with National Death Row week cards to comfort those inmates. This will be especially perfect for the lucky ones scheduled to be fried the next night! The card will read, "Thanks for being a murdering scumbag and for spending 20 years of tax money. Thanks to Daylight-Savings Day, I'm happy to say that your ass will be fried one hour sooner."
Boss' Day/National Toilet appreciation Week/Nation Penile Enlargement Awareness Month. A perfect trifecta in October. Give your boss the one card in October that say's it all. On the outside of the card, it will clearly list out the three events being celebrated. On the inside it'll read, "Celebrate all three! You are the boss, you are full of shit, and you sure are a big dick!"
Bastille/National Coming Out Day. Can't wait for National Coming Out Day? Drop the news on Bastille Day. "Mom and Dad, Happy Bastille Day. By the way, I'm gay. I'm talking about serious Johnny Storm/Human Torch 'Flame On!' Full On Gay! Let's go to a French Restaurant with grandma to celebrate. Your dad may respond by saying, "Bastille Day?? Bas-till as in...You Bastard, you couldn't wait till National Coming Out Day to tell me this!?"
Steve Park also ushered in the last big coup in greeting cards marketing and advertising: he made Father's Day a holiday. Everyone tell your dad happy father's day this weekend.